My friends, they love my intelligence
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
