i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
