My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
