Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
