party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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