Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
