There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
