PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
