After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
