I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
