I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
