she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
