dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
