I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
