I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
