So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
