I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
He told me they were just razor bumps!
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
