Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
We have started to decorate penises.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
