can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
