you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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