when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
