last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
