That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
