there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
