Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Randomize
