I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
