I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
