Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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