even my farts smell like vagina
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Randomize
