is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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