hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
