So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
