she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
