ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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