i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Randomize
