i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
