so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
