If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Randomize
