Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
This is not my ceiling
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
