I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
