There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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