i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
They have beer where we have blood.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
