I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
