id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize
