yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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