Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
