It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
