my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
