I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Randomize
