we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
