Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
