Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
