Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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