the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
