she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
