TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
this just has baby written all over it
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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