Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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