dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Randomize
