I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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