ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
