he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
