just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
