My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
